The joyous jams!

Got this via an email-forward from Veena. Wonderfully well written, but sadly, the author is unknown. Couldn’t find him/her via some quick searches either. So Mr/Mrs Author whoever you are, first, please take a bow. Next, please forgive this fellow jam-lover for copy-pasting without your express permission for he is only trying to spread the joy, the joy of jams.

<===================>

Over these last few years of living in Bangalore , I have slowly grown to like the jams, which this city provides in abundance.

These jams do build your patience and character. Is it a coincidence that India ‘s most patient cricketers, Dravid and Kumble, hail from this city of jams? (Dravid is even nicknamed “Jammy”). Does it tell you something? Sri Sri Ravishankar…does he get his daily dose of spiritual inspiration while in a jam?? And will I also get a halo after a few more years of this “character building”?? There are, I am sure, thousands of future Anands stuck in the Adugodis and Anand Rao circles, who are plotting their moves against future Kramniks… those poor little Kramniks stand no chance. And if you see a professor-like guy prancing around the Palace road jam, you can deduce that a postulate in Physics has just been proved.

A few days back, I had a thought – If we can have reviews of movies, which occupy only a few hours of our life in a month, why not reviews of traffic jams, which takes up significant hours of our day?? So here is my review of some of Bangalore ‘s famous and not-so-famous jams(in no particular order).

But before that, a general comment – As they say, the taste of food in a restaurant is dependent on the ambience ; similarly, the way I see jams, cozy inside the office shuttle or public transport, is different from the way the owner of the swank new SUV sees it. (btw, if you are the owner of the swank new SUV, don’t run me down).

1. The Hosur Road Jam – Unarguably, the mother of all jams. We (ex-) Infoscions are proud of being (once) associated with a great company. We are equally proud of contributing in no small extent to this jam. This jam gives a great glimpse of the Other India – colorful music-blaring interstate buses, garment factory workers, highway trucks, smoke spewing lorries and such. Provides ample food for thought for socialist minds. (Rating: ***1/2)

2. The jams around K’mangala/Forum mall – Definitely the best jams in town. PYTs (Pretty young things), fancy cars, and fancy restaurants; this has it all. But you can’t afford any of those. Never mind!! Your sadistic brain can take pleasure in the fact that the guy in the fancy car next to you is cruising around for a parking space, feasting his eyes on the PYTs , while his family is having dinner in one of the fancy restaurants. (Rating: ****1/2)

3. The KG Road jam – To be experienced in the evenings before a long weekend. Every auto/taxi in town seems to be stuck while going towards the City railway station – your hair stands on end, you start sweating, the heart beats faster, and you get the rush that a Michael Schumachaer gets on his last lap. And just as the auto moves, a movie show ends and a few hundred more vehicles pour out… Which was the train that hooted just now?? (Rating: ***1/2)

4. The Jayanagar jam – The puzzle-lovers jam; Jayanagar is maze of bylanes, one-way streets, no right-turns, no left-turns, traffic signals and whatnot. It is an establised fact that Point A to point B, in Jayanagar, can be reached in 6436 distinct ways. But whichever way you take, you are left with a hollow feeling that another route had a better and bigger jam? (Rating: **1/2)

5. The jams around Marathahalli/ Whitefield – The IT professional’ s dream jam; As she sits in the office shuttle looking at other office buses, she can make her career plans. A typical evening in this jam goes thus:

Voice from Company A bus : “Any J2EE developers in your bus?”. Three guys from Company B bus respond “Yeah” and get down. By the time, the bus crosses the Marathahalli bridge, the first guy is hired as a J2EE developer. The second guy, who didn’t know what J2EE meant, is hired as a project manager and the third guy is rejected as he realised late that he has already worked for Company A last year.

(Rating: ****)

6. The Airport Road jam – Similar in taste and character like the Koramangala jam but has socialist twist. This jam treats the rich businessman, who will later travel business class on Jet, the same as a poor programmer, who had unusually come to office early in the morning, 3 months back, to buy one of those cheap airline tickets. (Rating ***)

7. The BTM 7th Main x 7 Cross jam – Close to my home, so close to my heart. But alas, the spoilsports at BDA finished the flyover at the Jayadeva circle and brought an end to this jam. But for a couple of years, this jam used to give me pure joy as vehicles of all types created a tangle in the small bylanes of BTM layout. The BDA is now planning a new flyover at the Udupi Garden junction; so there is still hope (Rating ***1/2).

We jam lovers – currently this club consists of only me – have petitioned the government to protect and preserve traffic jams as a cultural asset of Bangalore . Just so that traffic jams are not endangered in the future, we have these suggestions:

1. Build more flyovers – Flyovers do not reduce jams. They just transfer it to the next junction. And in the 2 years that it takes to build them, you are assured of some joyous jams. I am drooling…

2. No public buses – If everybody goes by buses, where will our culture go?

3. Make Tata’s 1-Lakh car cheaper by making it tax free – Imagine every two wheeler replaced by a car…The prospects are mouth-watering.

<===================>

Advertisements

10 Responses

  1. You can add the BTM Ring road jam or marmalade or whatever. Itt took me 1 hr to get from Bannerghatta Road to Silkboard.

  2. Awesome e-mail ….. !! Can’t wait to be stuck in a JAM ….:-)

  3. Yes Sri, that I think 19th main jam is a critical one missed from South Bangalore. Author must be from south/east Bangalore, for he missed KR Puram OMR/ORR one too (did they shoot the Nike cricket ad there? they should have, you got so many bus roofs available there each evening!). How about Tumkur road on Fri evening, Sunday evenings?

    Vasu – shall I call the movers? And help pick a jammy good area for you to live in ? Just let me know :) BTW, I think only Hosur road one comes close to 237/Tasman/880 and mission/Fremont/warren jams before they widened 880 and did that 237 exchange. Those jams were fun, with baseball stations and tons of music stations for company!

  4. Saucy writing, for sure! :)

  5. hey u missed Bannergatta road Jams..from dairy circle to….infinity…:) :)

    rgds
    jiju

  6. Good One! Incidentally there was a review of bad roads on the Radio City breakfast show this morning. There are more jams that in Bangalore than one can possibly review at one go. So I request fellow Bangloreans to add to the list. For my part, here is an interesting, albeit lesser known one:

    The Bellandur Junction Jam
    This is probably the queen of what I call the ‘sister-jam’s. That is, people start taking the back roads to avoid jams on the main roads and create jams on these small roads. You are rushing back home, speeding at 80 kmph on that brand new road (Thanks BDA!), with a sadistic smile on your face thinking about those stuck near the Sasken building on Hosur road – and then you come to a screeching halt. That is when you realize, it is not just you, but there are also these huge trucks, there for the same reason as yours. Then starts the long wait, for the big vehicles to manuever around each other and to navigate around the morons who cut across and block the remaining space… by the time you are out, the lucky ones who took the Hosur Road route have reached home! (Rating **1/2)

  7. Ravi – yep, very well written.

    Jiju – there are so many. think Bagalore, think Jams.

    Maggie – good one! Those trucks don’t know what to do with so many smaller vehicles around them. They are slow and careful, a recipe for chaos and jams.

    wish there was a “jam sensor” attached to every handle or steering wheel. As soon as a jam is ‘sensed’, steering/handle gets ‘locked’ – you can only go straight. Would this take care of all the morons (which is about 80% of us, myself included at times) who love weaving through these jams?

  8. What about the Race course – Corporation stretch!

  9. Much of the world wide web is full of sarcasm & mocking of driving on Indian roads. This site http://driving-india.blogspot.com/ has been created with the purpose of providing driver education and training rather than criticism.

    At present 17 driver education videos aimed at changing the driving culture on Indian roads are available. To watch the videos, please visit: http://driving-india.blogspot.com/

    Please publish this link and help change the driving culture on our roads

    The videos cover the following topics:

    Video 1: Covers the concept of Blind spots
    Video 2: Introduces the principle of Mirrors, Signal and Manoeuvre
    Video 3: At red lights, stop behind the stop line
    Video 4: At red lights there are no free left turns
    Video 5: The Zebra belongs to pedestrians
    Video 6: Tyres and Tarmac (rather than bumper to bumper)
    Video 7: Merging with the Main road
    Video 8: Leaving The Main Road
    Video 9: Never Cut Corners
    Video 10: Show Courtesy on roads
    Video 11: 5 Rules that help deal with Roundabouts
    Video 12: Speed limits, stopping distances, tailgating & 2 seconds rule
    Video 13: Lane discipline and overtaking
    Video 14: Low beam or high beam?
    Video 15: Parallel (reverse parking) made easy
    Video 16: Give the cyclist the respect of a car
    Video 17: Dealing with in-car condensation

  10. This was written by a SAP Labs India employee.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: