Road warrior gadgets: Head hunter, Sidekick and more

You are driving nice and easy. And from nowhere, a Toyota Qualis with yellow number plate appears right behind you. Naturally, you get scared. What will the driver do now? Flash his headlights repeatedly to blind you through your rear view mirrors? Honk endlessly to get into your head through your ears? And then overtake you from left right top or bottom of your car?

If you identify yourself with the frightening situation mentioned above, my ‘road warrior’ store has some gadgets for you. Let me describe some of them.

Rear flash: These are very strong professional photography grade flashes mounted on your car’s rear spoiler. When that call center cab flashes its headlights more than a few times, this gadget teaches the overeager driver a lesson. To make sure you don’t misuse it, there are no manual controls. The Rear-flash has a timer and light sensor built-in. The gadget goes on automatically whenever it senses more than 5 high-beam to low-beam switches within a minute.

Sidekick: It is essentially a drill mounted on the hub of your wheel rims, almost like that thing they showed in a famous Hollywood car race. That gadget in Grease was for use by the villain. But for the Kalyug on our roads, this gadget is meant for use by heroes like you. Whenever a Sumo or Qualis tries to overtake you illegally from the left, engage your sidekick to brush their metal bodies. To make sure the gadget is not overly illegal, we install the attachment only on your car’s left side wheels. That is to ensure you don’t misuse the gadget to slow down vehicles who overtake you the right way, I mean from the right.

Head hunter: This gadget takes on oncoming traffic that loves to drive on high beams. It is essentially a high intensity laser gun with built in sensor for high lumen light beams. We mount this gadget on your car’s right ear (I mean outside rear view mirror) so that it points towards oncoming traffic. Then, just press a button to neutralize a few high-beam headlights in sight. Don’t worry and be happy for we have thick traffic conditions covered. Our head hunter can shoot at the speed of 10 headlights a minute.

Rear-sonic: We sell this one bundled with Rear-flash, aptly so for Rear-sonic is the sound-cousin of that hit gadget. It unleashes a focused and automatically directed sonic boom towards any source of sound that goes on more than 5 times a minute. We make sure the boom isn’t too loud to cause hearing disabilities to the offender. That should save you a few lawsuits.

Now, before you accuse my traffic gadget store of being “elitist” and what-not for I only described the ones designed for cars, wait! We have specialty traffic gadgets for two wheelers as well that I will describe in a next post. Meanwhile, please spread the word on these high tech toys to help boost our sales via some word-of-mouth publicity.

And, do let us know if you have any designs to share.

UPDATE: In the true divide and rule spirit of business, we now sell some traffic gadgets for call center cabbies as well.

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19 Responses

  1. Mobile Vapourizer : This ‘cousin’ of the Head hunter will take care of those drivers who flaunt their ability to speak nonachalantly on their cell phone whilst driving. The high intensity laser gun will vaporize the offensive ‘hand held’ cell phone before the driver can count three. The new version to vapourize ‘hands free’ and ‘bluetooths’ is in the works.

  2. “with yellow number plate ”

    Well pointed…These are usually the culprits who cause havoc on roads.

    Another Gadget:
    The Blower. To Keep other vehicles at a safe distance. Lest, they brush into you and blame you for the ‘brush’ – with excuses ranging from : because you have a bigger vehicle, you are elitist, you don’t speak my language, to plain silly – can’t you see !!

  3. ROTFL… Waiting for the bike series :)

  4. Oh where do I send my order requests? And pl. do suggest some gadgets to protect the lesser mortals the two-wheeler riders. I get nearly run over by those yellow board qualis’ almost everyday :-)

  5. Remote Controlled Accelarator and Brakes : Beam them at any vehicle and you can control its speed.

    So, if auto walla is refusing to speed up, and zig-zagging on road slowly.. accelerate him. If a car is overspeeding.. give it a brake.

  6. Namma Nadu – that is a cool gadget, badly needed. And its use wont be illegal at all!

    AKD – Blower is a good one. Actually, I have a similar gadget called “Mudslinger”. When a vehicle comes too close to you (tailgating), mudslinger gets activated and pours mud on offending Call center cab’s windscreen. You will have to regularly fill a specially installed mud tank though.

    Sajith/Abhipraya – working on the Bike ones. Design possibilities are endless there!

    CoolGuy – autos can only go that fast. A better gadget will be a front side clamp that will lift auto above ground, and then auto moves at the speed of your car. Can call it “auto-lifter” :) Okay enough, lets not make fun of the autos or those “elitist” and “bourgeois” tags will start flowing!

  7. Hilarious. But thats the sad state of affairs in our country now :(

  8. Hi all,

    One decent and serious suggestion. I was astonished to hear only one honk during my 2-month stay in London. Now, please dont start calling my a firangi or an NRI. Now, when I came back to Bangalore, I just tried one small experiment. I just followed every single rule on the road as in UK, and just let these other drivers to do what they wanted. They tried to intimidate me, and even some scolded me for following such lane discipline, and advised to adapt to the local ‘culture’. But I just followed the rules, and to my surprise I realised that I didnt encounter any trouble and my mind was fresh and calm. I wasnt perturbed, and I could carry on with my work with fresh mind. So, even you try out this:
    1. Drive a bit slow, let the foolish drivers overtake and intimidate you.
    2. Follow all rules (strictly).
    3. Dont hear words from the mouth of other drivers (keep calm – because, neither you nor me can change their attitude, no matter how much we crib here).
    4. Carry all documents, lest you have to bribe the inspectors.
    5. Keep your vehicle in TOP condition (spend on this – dont be stingy).
    6. Finally, be patient with pedestrians. Even if someone jumps in front of you on a highway, just slow down, let them pass, and smile at them. (Here you need to keep atmost calm).

    After all this, I felt very good, my mind was fresh and I could concentrate more on my WORK, which in the first instance was not driving (remember- the taxi driver’s job/life is DRIVING). So, stop cribbing about things which are not in your hands, and just perform YOUR DUTIES, and ofcourse HOPE FOR THE BEST ALWAYS. Now, please dont start replying, saying that I mind my own business, because that in a way shows that you are not willing to change for good.
    (Before going to UK, I had myself been a sort of bad driver, so I have transformed myself.)

  9. You are so right Bangalorean. I have recently started following #1, #2 (say about 75%), #3 and more or less #6 – and I see that it just makes driving a lot less tense activity.

    At max, you pay by spending 5-10 extra minutes on the road. But the stress you save yourself is worth it.

  10. Thanks for replying Silkboard. I am glad you are with me. I wanted to share what happened to me some weeks ago. I was carrying all my documents (DL, RC book, Emission test Certificate, Insurance – all originals) [remember- the cops want us to keep originals], and riding my Kinetic Honda. I was stopped by a traffic inspector with a constable (they were harrassing and collecting bribes from 3 others in malleshwaram 17th cross). He asked me all the documents one by one, and I showed him one by one. It was hard controlling laughing by looking at their faces. Their faces turned so pale. The inspector however took some time to let me go (he checked the emission, sound from the vehicle, and mirrors, nameplate, etc), and was looking very sad because he couldnt in any way extract money from me. He however ‘warned’ me saying that I needed to go even slower and needed better mirrors (one mirror was chipped at the corner). After getting home I just laughed to my content. Now I have replaced even the mirror, so I would like to get ‘caught’ again by a corrupt Policeman, and enjoy the look on his face.

    REMEMBER- I took pains to follow the traffic rules and keep my vehicle in top condition. I renew the insurance and the emission cert regularly without fail.

  11. Yellow Boarded Tata Indica’s are no better. I always wondered, what to they achive just being ahead of few meters? Ultimately they will clogg at the end. :-)
    Mysorean said it all right.. We need not bog down to their roars, utltimately somebody has to stop things going wrong. Instead most of them say, why swim against the wind… Ultimately its your life & car(!!)… Tinekering & painting charges may blow up your whole month’s salary :-)

  12. Bangalorean, Sad that one has to “take pains” to follow rules whereas it should be the other way around. Regardless, I have seriously started doing a lot of what you said in your prev comment. Loss of 5-10 minutes. But so much more peace of mind.

    Veena, frankly speaking, we all do these same things a bit ourselves. And each one blames the neighbor.

    I just don’t know how and when this Traffic Mahabharata will end.

  13. […] After I came out with those traffic gadgets for the road-warriors pained by cabs (aka yellow plates), cab drivers came over and asked me to design gadgets for them as well. That made perfect business sense for me, so I said yes. And here is what I came up with after a few weeks of R & D (Race & Drive). […]

  14. […] Sounds familiar? Silkboard offers a few gadgets from her store to tackle such drivers. […]

  15. Brilliant! Fasntastic! I’m getting to work on bringing these masterpieces to life. Seriously! Well, atleast the rear flash, if not anything else…

  16. Thanks witnwisdumb. Do let me know when you start producing these. I just want a silkboard logo in there :)

  17. if you have the rear sonic please let me know,,,il try to have one on my own…

  18. […] any Innovas with yellow plates either. Apparently, Tata Indicas can have yellow plates as well? Road warrior gadgets: Head hunter, Sidekick and more ę /India/Bangalore/things […]

  19. Read this post only today. Agree with Banglorean and Pranav. I do the same myself. Follow lights even in the middle of the night. Drive in lanes. Don’t press the horn. I manage quite well and I arrive less frustrated. After all I am at least in an air conditioned environment vs someone else in the sweltering heat. One can’t change other people’s behaviours, but one can change one’s own.

    I have also found that if you wait for lights even when there is no cop or after 10;00 p.m. others do too. Maybe the odd one will abuse you and jump the light, but just don’t react or give gyaan.

    There seems to be something in our collective mindset that suggests that one is a loser if he (mostly) obeys the law.

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