Rules of Indian Traffic – I

After educating you on those traffic terms, it is time to start documenting the rules of Indian Traffic. Here is the first set.

  1. To follow is sin. A vehicle shall not follow another vehicle for more than 2 minutes. True to our democratic roots, each driver regardless of caste, creed, sex, color and number of wheels must get at least one shot at leading the pack.
  2. Tractors are allowed inside the city provided they don’t plough the roads.
  3. Speed of an auto-rickshaw shall equal five kmph multiplied by number of people inside it. Just the driver (aka “hungry auto“), 5 kmph, regular 3 passengers + the driver, 20 kmph.
  4. Mahabharata style etiquettes of war: Bikes shall race with bikes, cars with cars, buses with buses and trucks with trucks. But the pawns are free to intervene as they like.
  5. If you see a speed limit sign, you must run it over.
  6. If a bus or truck does not like a smaller vehicle overtaking it, emitting thick black smoke on any passing vehicle is acceptable as a non-violent form of protest.
  7. Pedestrians shall be covered under the Geneva Convention. But traffic policemen are not, so you can try run them over.
  8. The smaller vehicle is always at fault. Socialism dictates that the rich shall pay. So whenever a bus brushes an auto-rickshaw, or a car brushes a scooter, vehicle with more wheels on it must be at fault.
  9. Aged and huge vehicles shall break down and get disabled only atop narrow bridges and passes.
  10. You must sound the horn “prime” number of times. Thus, 1,3,5,7 or 9 consecutive sounds are okay, 2,4,6,8 pom-poms are not.
  11. If passing through a street in the morning hours, and no poultry is in sight, horns must be sounded to provide ‘wake-up’ services to the neighborhood.

3 Responses

  1. another one.

    “thou shall always overtake from the wrong side”

  2. Right Rajiv. I was trying to avoid the obvious ones :) I will include this one in the next set of rules, coming soon to a browser near you.

  3. I just saw your blog. Good rules for the Bangalore traffic. I covered other aspects of Driving in Bangalore in my new Blog Post. Please visit.

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